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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 14th, 2023

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  • Hard to tell exactly, but if you want to be more convincing and engaging in these kinds of discussions I would suggest a couple of things. I’m not an expert here by any means though so take with a grain of salt:

    Give up trying to convince someone to your side in one conversation. The most you can hope to do is plant a seed for further reflection that may eventually lead to the person changing their mind but don’t even count on that.

    Try not to come into the conversation assuming you are right. It can influence the way you talk, makes you less engaging and more easy to dismiss because it can be annoying for people. Try to see it as an opportunity to test and refine your own views, that’s something you can control and an outcome you can benefit from regardless of the other person.

    In that spirit, spend time upfront asking questions and understanding the other person’s point of view even if it seems obvious at first. This is a good time to find the areas you both agree on which is going to be really important. Emphasise the areas you agree on and express your agreement whenever you can.

    Once you have a good understanding of the person’s position and the areas of agreement, you can start using those areas as a foundation to start building the case for your side. Don’t push too hard, express your views and ask for their opinion, ask them about what they disagree with specifically and listen.

    That’s all the generic advice I have really, just try to frame it in your mind as a chance to understand why someone might think the way they do and what you might be wrong about and you won’t leave disappointed. If they’re not willing to engage at all though, best to just move on and not push.



  • I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. Everyone’s situation is different but I also have a strained relationship with my father that has lead to the tough decision for me to go low contact with him and give up on having a relationship for the foreseeable future.

    I don’t know if this will help you but it helped me so feel free to take/leave as you like. I think the first thing you need to do if you haven’t already is figure out what you want the boundaries of your relationship to be and the conditions for re-engagement to help prevent him from hurting you again. Could be something simple like no financial assistance or expensive gifts, acknowledgement that the silence at your wedding hurt you, that kind of thing.

    If he agrees to these then you can cautiously establish a relationship while making sure you enforce your boundaries. If he doesn’t co-operate or dismisses your needs, then it’s going to be very hard to have a relationship with him, you will get hurt. In that case I think your best option is to accept that you can’t have the type of relationship with him that you want, and allow yourself to grieve that loss.

    As a disclaimer, I’m not a professional. Professional advice really helped me but this was still a multi year painful journey for me. Good luck and I really hope you can move forward and find peace with the situation however it turns out and don’t be afraid to lean on your support networks.