Why’d the cookie go to the hospital?

He was feeling crummy!

What’d the envelope say to the stamp?

Stick with me, kid, we’ll go places.

Only thing I’ll disagree with you here is the machinist comment. My dad’s been a machinist for like 45 years now, same industry, same building.

He is constantly complaining to me that they can’t find machinists, or even people who are willing to learn. I have zero machining experience, and he was trying to get me hired at one point, that’s how desperate they were getting.

And it’s not a bad company, to be clear, they’re a government contractor, have very good benefits, competitive pay (he’s even complained they’ve given guys with a year’s experience multi-dollar raises to keep them), etc.

According to him, if you have mechanical aptitude and are willing to learn all of the intricacies of machining, you can and will make a decent salary for the rest of your life so long as you’re willing to work.

My dog has to smell my breath after I eat/drink something. If I’m eating a sandwich, he’ll watch the whole time, and when I’m done, he’ll hop up and start sniffing/licking for crumbs.

Then he’ll stand on my lap, and put his nose up to my face, sniffing and kinda wagging his tail. I’ll open my mouth wide, and start exhaling, and he’ll eagerly start sniffing riiiiiiiiiight up against my mouth, wagging and kinda shifting his weight on his front legs. And if you don’t listen closely enough to his sniffing…

… He’ll sneeze in your mouth. 😂 He makes my friends do it too, and I do warn them about keeping their mouth open too long.

Beyond that, the only other weird thing he does (besides his crazy yoga poses he does in blankets on the couch) is lick the floor. If I’m cooking, he’s standing by the stove, ready to lunge at anything that falls to the floor. But when I’m done cooking, he’ll basically walk the entire kitchen floor, focusing primarily by the sink and stove, licking every speck of oil and crumb he can find. You’d think I never feed him based on how he acts towards food, but here we are. 😂

He nabbed some chili seeds off the floor one night before I could get them, and I asked him how they tasted while he’s walking around the kitchen, licking his chops over and over. Moved to his water bowl, drank a good chunk of that, moved to the living room, laid down there for a bit… All the while, licking his chops, trying to get the spicy to go away. And then he came back for more 😂

I attempted to deliver cremated remains once while I was a carrier for USPS. I say “attempted” because you have to have the recipient sign for cremated remains, but they weren’t home…

I’m not sure how I’d describe it, but it’s an odd feeling leaving a “Sorry We Missed You” pink slip for a person versus a package.

You’ve got a couple options here, depending on tools needed (though this is all mostly US based).

1. Local libraries can have libraries of things where you can check out all kinds of stuff, as another user pointed out. Tools, fishing poles, cooking equipment, etc.

2. Home Depot/Lowes/Ace Hardware will rent a lot of tools at decent rates, from hand tools to power tools to floor sanders and carpet cleaners and lawn and everything, haha.

But, auto parts stores like Auto Zone will also usually let you borrow tools for free after paying a returnable deposit. If you work on your car and say, want to raise/lower it, go to AutoZone, pay the $20 deposit for the proper spring clamps, use them, and return them and get your $20 back.

3. Makerspaces. These are more often found in cities, but they’re places for people to go and, well, make stuff. You usually have to either pay for your time there, or get a membership, but they usually allow access to stuff other places won’t: CNC/laser engraving machines, welding/metalworking/blacksmithing equipment, glassblowing facilities, woodworking shops, sewing shops, etc. And some of them offer 24/7 access, so you can go use the facilities any time you’d like, as well as classes to learn how to safely use the equipment, or projects/techniques.

This option is great for folks who have disposable income, but not the space for the equipment they may want or need. I’d love a CNC machine, but I’m poor, and it would not fit in my 800sqft house 😭😂

4. Honestly, call local small businesses/shops/etc. Some may let you rent time in their facility, or charge you to use some of their equipment. My boss lets people bring their wide slabs of wood in to be planed/sanded in our industrial equipment for pretty reasonable rates, they just have to call and ask first.

I had a coworker who cited music licensing as the sole reason he can’t find his favorite show anymore: The Drew Carrey Show. Whatever schmuck owns the music licensing refuses to cooperate with the rest of the show owners, so it can’t be streamed or distributed anywhere.

Another example would be Scrubs, most of the songs used in the show (including key moments and the OG songs were perfect for them) have been edited out and replaced because of licensing issues. Unless you’ve got the DVDs or pirated older versions, you’re stuck with the new music and it’s not the same.

Met a woman on OKCupid back in like 2014. We seemed to hit it off, so we agreed to a mall date since we were both broke (she was a college student, I was a youngster in the military). We were gonna get food and just kinda walk around and window shop and talk. Gonna try to keep this short, but a lot happened:

1. Had me pick her up from her dorm, went up to the dorm, her roommates were drinking even though everyone was underage, and they’re thanking her for having mom get it for her. She’s super nice about it, but proceeds to complain the entire drive and start getting emotional because she hates that they drink when they’re underage, etc. Yet… She provides it…

2. She doesn’t eat when we get to the mall, and instead spends the whole time I’m eating, talking. No breaks for me to respond, just keeps going.

3. We start walking around the mall, and she starts randomly pinching me. Like, painfully, randomly pinching me in my arms and torso. I’m finally like wtf is with the pinching, and she says that she was doing it because I wasn’t holding her hand while we walked around… We just met, and the vibe is already pretty crap, and how in any way is that a way to communicate…

4. We finally leave and get back to her dorm, I walk her to her door, and I’m invited in by her/the roommates. Fine, I decline drinking because I’m a good sailor, but my date and I exchange some pleasantries with the roommates and then head to her room. It’s basically just a bed, I think maybe she was just super nervous at the mall and being in her own environment she’ll relax.

5. We’re just chatting, and the pinching starts again, and she’s kinda just going for it with no breaks. I’m getting pissed and finally grab her wrists and tell her to stop, and she bit me. On the chest, like, hard, not a romantic playful lil love bite. I’m, again, taken aback and am like, wtf?!?

6. She starts giggling and tells me that that’s how women tell guys that want to make out/get intimate. What?! No, not how that works, at all… Especially not on a first date. But, fine, I tell her she can just ask, figuring she just wants to make out.

7. After a little while making out, the pinching starts again, and apparently this time it’s how women say they want to have sex. I wasn’t so turned off, it just didn’t happen, like, at all.

8. She walked me back to my car, and I drove her back to her buildings door, and she bursts into tears about her roommates and the drinking again, I console her enough for her to feel better and go back to her room. Say goodnight, and she just sits there staring at me. I’m kinda done at this point and just ask what, and I get, “No kiss?” Fine…

9. Get a text while I’m driving home telling me it was one of the best dates of her life, she really hopes we can see each other again soon, she really liked me and was attracted to me, etc. I respectfully declined, and when she wouldn’t just take that as an answer, I sent her a text essay outlining basically all of the above, and I honestly can’t remember if she responded.

Honestly, she wasn’t a bad person, and maybe at different stages in our lives things could’ve gone better… But she had a lot going on and a lot of life to live and learn from, and I wasn’t up for the ride. Hope she’s doing well, if she sees this and recognizes it, and that she stopped using pinching as a means of communication.

Oh, and to illustrate how hard the pinching/bite were, I had dime sized bruises all over my arms and torso the next day, and a bite mark bruise on my chest.

Purchased a soft drink from a fast food restaurant. I have a few friends that, in their minds, it is never justified to buy a drink from a fast food place if you’re doing takeout because “you have drinks at home, they charge $3 for something that costs them $0.11 to make, etc.”

It’s become somewhat of a debate amongst our group of friends: I argue they have flavors I may not have at home, it can be a treat, and it helps keep restaurants in business since drinks are where they make their money. I’m told it doesn’t matter, the upcharge is too much to justify.

I’ve boiled my view on it to “There is a fine line between frugal and cheap.” But never thought the purchase of a soft drink would be so polarizing amongst people in my life, hahaha.

There’s also an ongoing moratorium on the board game Life simply because we cannot agree if it’s legal for one player to take out all of the bank’s loans on their first turn. It’s not explicitly stated in the rules you can’t, but many of us feel it defeats the spirit of the game.

I’m gonna throw “forecastle” out there. It’s referring to a specific part/area of a ship, but it’s pronounced similar to “folks-sole.”

Years ago there was a profile on PoF that would hit me up every couple of months asking if they could castrate me. (I’m a trans woman)

It was weird, they weren’t pushy or aggressive, more just, “Hey, you don’t want them, right? Seems like a win win.” Sometimes I’d play along and ask questions and stuff, but they wouldn’t say much, and never actually made any effort to meet up.

I haven’t thought about them in years, hahaha, but seeing your question brought it all back.

My doggo will normally follow verbal commands for sit/down/shake without much issue. But sometimes he gets too excited or obstinate and doesn’t want to do it even if I’ve said so a few times. At some point, I inadvertently taught him that me putting my hand(s) on my hip(s) is the “Ok, we’re not moving on until you listen” gesture.

I make him sit before he eats, and if he isn’t sitting, I’ll just put my hand on my hip and he immediately plants his ass against the floor, tail wagging. He also knows the question, “Are you begging?” if he’s too close to someone eating, and he’ll put his head down and slowly skulk away for 5 minutes before sneakily returning to his previous position, hoping for scraps. 😆

Well that’s cause you’ve gotta warm it up and sprinkle it on the top of your oatmeal.

Move it on Over - George Thorogood and the Destroyers

Grew up on his music because my dad controlled the car radio, as a little 4-5 year old I even had a whole dance to it not knowing what the song was actually about, hahaha