Thank you for this recommendation!

That last one is straight up Ender Wiggin

If you have the cash to spare for it, FindMyProfession is a subscription service that I’ve twice used to get out of a shitty job. First time I wanted the new job to take me to a specific state, they found it in the heights of the pandemic and with a 30% bump in pay within the first month. Second time I wanted a new job but I didn’t want to move, in the barely-begun third month they found me a 20% bump in pay for a fantastic company.

The service they offer is some expensive shit, but I trust it so goddamn much.

I think it’s important to acknowledge that yes, the government absolutely does have shadow organizations that violate American citizens constitutional rights. No one is disputing that.

The point that most people here are trying to help you notice is that there is help. A professional , trained therapist can help. A therapist, if they’re at all qualified, won’t dispute your stances in regard polygyny etc.

What follows includes some assumptions of who you are and I want to acknowledge that these might not look like your struggles. Guessing by analogy of my own experience, you feel a kind of helpless. You understand the situation as it is and you recognize that it is irrational to hope blindly that your understanding is wrong and tomorrow everything is just going to be better. A therapist isn’t paid to tell you that you are seeing your situation incorrectly, a therapist is paid to learn what you tell them you understand the world is like and help you find steps you can take from the position you’re in now.

The ideology you identify with is associated with a tendency toward terrorism / violent actions. That is what everyone here is trying to warn you about. You sound like what a rational person becomes in hopeless situations. Seek a therapist not because they will change your mind but instead so that someone who will work to understand how you’re rational and help you take rational steps from that place to one less hopeless.