LostAndSmelly

I tend to hyperfixate. Every mistake I make or goal I don’t immediately achieve can become a weapon I use against myself. I have spent hundreds of hours in therapy. Meditation can help but it is really hard for me to get started.

I injured my knee a few years ago and after trying arnica and a bunch of other drugs to manage the inflammation the PA told me to try smoking weed. Within a week the inflammation was under control and I discovered meditation was MUCH easier for me after smoking.

Now I know when I start to beat myself up I use my vape pen. Two puffs and 25 minutes later I will be able to slow down and mindfully check in with myself.

I start with some breathing. First slow breathes, then even breaths, then box breaths. After breathing I do a body scan, I start at my toes and work my way to my face. Then I feed my thought to a candle for a bit and imagine watching them turn into smoke.

Within half an hour the vape pen will be wearing off and I won’t be able to stay in that state but I will be a lot nicer to my self and my family. Over the last 6 months I have lost 25 lbs and put together a new plan to find a new career, I am a few weeks away from my first certification since 2008 and have set up a new resume. I am making plans for the future and genuinely optimistic about my own life.

Pot and meditation have done what endless therapy and fists full of medications could not. I am in control of my own thoughts and feelings. I am able to make plans and follow through with plans that spawn months. I am in control of what and when I eat and sleep. I am a normal ass adult with responsibilities I actually attended to.

I started smoking pot.

I got a Microsoft Surface earlier this year. I have had phones and tablets with pens before but none were very satisfying to use and I have had laptops for decades at this point. This is the thinnest and lightest laptop as well as the best tablet I have ever used.

I no longer carry a paper notebook with me because I always have my surface. I have needed One Note for a very long time but didn’t realize it. having access to all of my notes and being able to carry all of them without having to find the right notebook as been huge.

I usually by the house brand of anything the first time I buy anything. Cooking ingredients, household chemicals, drugs, tools, and anything else you can think of. I have found a number of places where saving money is not worth it, the difference between organic tomatoes and the conventional ones is huge for example but if you don’t care about tomatoes you may be fine with the cheap ones.

There are a few things I will spend good money on first time through. Basically anything I am not going to have a chance to replace if I don’t like it. I had to replace the floors in a few rooms in my house. When we first moved in and could not afford nice carpet. It took 10 years to wear out the carpet and for us to have enough to replace it. If I had to do it again I would have stuck with the original longer to save a bit more and put in better flooring.

There was a guy I used to see in traffic who used to play trumpet as he drove. It’s been more than 20 years since I saw him and I still think about it from time to time.

This comment is a lie.

I wear a basic watch so that I can keep track of the time without opening up my phone all the time. I discovered that when I wore a smart watch I was constantly peaking at my notifications and paying less than quality attention to my family. When I gave up the smart watch I was less distracted but still found myself wasting time when all I intended to do was check the time

My mother in laws friend was a roided out prison guard who had zero empathy. He was very kind to people but just could not understand when anyone had a hard time with anything. I fixed his computer and he refused to pay me because it looked easy so he figured I wasn’t really working.

When his wife asked for a divorce he strangled her so hard it broke her neck. He then held her under water in the bath tub for almost an hour just to be sure. Then he tried to end himself by jumping off the second story of their house but survived with a back injury.

MIL actually showed up to court as a character witness. He spends most if his time these days in “protective custody” because a lot of the other inmates know him from when he was a guard. We still get letters from him and he is still a dickhead.

I don’t understand why Pixel phones are not more popular. I prefer the stock android experience over Samsung’s OneUI and they are usually less expensive.