I have a laptop that’s suffered from that for a while now, so it’s not just one update but a trend. Tried a number of things from clearing space to even a manual download on a USB to force it. It always reverts back to churning away trying to complete the update, restarting, and then reversing it. The irony is the laptop works fine until it comes time for it to check again, then repeat ad nauseam.
Maybe your argument isn’t against Lemmy, but against online discussion in general. Heating debates that break into less constructive postings have been around since the days of BBSes and Usenet. I don’t disagree with your point that people should try to act like adults when discussing topics, but a (not so) different format doesn’t change how people are, especially when they feel protected by anonymity to react badly.