I realized that later, yeah. That’s not something that a kid would usually realize is bad on their own, though; if it’s something you and everyone you know has always done, most people wouldn’t think to question it.

For me it was when I was around 8 or 9 and met someone from Kenya. They could speak perfect English, wore normal clothes, and talked about having electricity. I’d literally never been told that those things existed in Africa - every reference to that continent only talked about tribes and jungles, save for Egypt which only talked about ruins and deserts. I asked around and found that most of the rest of the world has the same stuff we have, and most countries have a functioning government. I was so confused - why were we the country of freedom when everyone else has the same thing?

At the time I just assumed that there was something I was missing, or maybe the rest of the world just caught up to our idea, but eventually I came to the conclusion that they tell us we’re the country of freedom - and keep our studies of other countries to a minimum when we’re young - so that we can internalize the rhetoric that our country is the best before we find out that most other countries about the same, and often better in certain ways.

I was never full-on incel, but I was definitely headed down that path. I was a late-20’s fat guy with severe acne all over my upper body, and I’d obviously never had a girlfriend. I looked ahead in life and just saw it going further and further downhill. I tried dieting, working out, etc, but none of my attempts at making a change ever lasted.

One day I saw a facebook post that one of my old highschool classmates had gotten married. The guy looked a lot like me, and at first I was mad - I had that classic incel thought of “why is he successful and not me?” But after sitting in that dark place for awhile, I realized that the answer to that question is that I can be successful! I realized that I’d never tried to put myself out there because I always viewed myself as not being worthy - I needed to be fitter, more attractive, better at talking to people, etc - but did I really? I wanted to find out, so I made an online dating account, cleaned myself up, got a friend to take some nice pictures of me doing things I enjoyed, and put myself out there.

I made a goal for myself to never start a conversation with “Hey” or something similar - I went through every profile I found and picked something specific to talk about. It took a while, and I missed a lot of opportunities by being awkward, but eventually I got good enough at holding a conversation to secure a few dates, and in only a few months of that, I found the woman who is now my wife!

I’m still fat, but having someone to look good for was at least enough for me to shower more regularly, which cleared up a lot of my acne. I’m still pretty awkward, but so is my wife, and we both find it endearing. Life’s not perfect - there are still issues - but I’m no longer looking ahead at my life and seeing only downhill trajectory; I have a sense of optimism I didn’t have before, and it mostly came from me accepting myself. I’m not sure if other incels are the same as I was - not realizing that the one they actually hate is themselves - but I hope that if they are, they eventually come to the same realization that I did: that they are worthy.

My wife and I usually plan big vacations about a year in advance so that we can follow flight prices and whatnot to get a good deal. We also book a few days at a cabin for our anniversary every year, so we just book the next year’s reservation while we’re there, since reservations can fill up even several months in advance.

Only planning a week in advance seems stressful to me - we planned a last-minute (for us) road trip vacation earlier this month for the long 4th of July weekend, and it was tough to find cheap places to stay that weren’t super grungy.

I didn’t really see people mentioning that “would” can still be used past-tense outside of “would have,” though it’s not in the same way - you use it when talking about something that happened multiple times in the past. For example, “When I was a kid my friends and I would go to the pool every Saturday,” which means that, as children, my friends and I did visit the pool every Saturday.

I’d listen to that song on repeat as a kid just for the piano section at the end.

Don’t Speak by No Doubt.

It was the first time I actively listened to a sad song, and while I was only 4 or so, and couldn’t really understand what the lyrics were about, I remember the emotion feeling so powerful. The radio station that played it went off air when I was 5, and I cried about it a lot. To this day I gravitate toward sad songs; there’s just something about minor chords that I can’t get enough of.

Everybody’s got a thing, and they’re usually happy to talk about it to someone who’s genuinely interested. Definitely helpful if you’re looking into that exact thing.

I try to find as many forums as I can for people who are more likely to know about the product, like enthusiast forums for things like headphones, and professional forums for things like washing machines. I try to get a feel for what parts of a product fail most often, then try to find products where people have specifically reported those things holding strong. There’s probably more I could do, but even just that has led me to finding products that have lasted far longer than buying the cheap stuff on amazon had gotten me.

Correct. That’s why I talked about finding niche communities to help find and parse through options. For example, I didn’t just buy an expensive vacuum, I found a few vacuum enthusiast forums and looked through several threads discussing the best products for my budget price.

I realized this was a significant part of my expenses about a decade ago now, and started researching and budgeting for higher-quality products that don’t get as much advertisement as their cheaper counterparts. It’s been great! What started as a larger expense on the front end has already broken about even on potential replacements that I didn’t end up needing, plus I get high-quality items to use the whole way through as well!

It’s definitely a good thing to pay attention to just how much you spend on replacing things that broke down unexpectedly quickly. The higher-quality items often exist, but a lot of times you need to seek out the niche communities that focus on those products to help find them and parse through the available options. I’m sure a lot of people just aren’t able to front the charge to make the change, though.

That depends heavily on who she is, and what your relationship looks like; a lighthearted response might work best for one person, while launching into a serious discussion about body image might be best for another.

My go-to response when my wife says something bad about her body is to just respond with “You’re beautiful.” and leave it at that. Sometimes I throw in a “Hey, don’t talk about my wife like that!” for good measure.

Yeah, people don’t realize that people with abusive parents have been raised to believe that abuse is normal - even good for them. The first major hurdle is getting someone to realize that there’s even a problem to fix, or that the problem to fix isn’t themselves.

Honestly, most of the people in places like that are people who already found their way out, and now just want to shoot the shit with other people who understand what they’ve been through. If I hadn’t had my sister to talk to about our insane mom, it would have been a lot harder for both of us to move on from her and become healthy, well-rounded adults - I imagine internet communities like these are a good alternate resource for when people don’t have real-life support from someone who understands what it’s like. But yeah, when you’ve got a parent who thinks all of science is one big scam, you’re never going to be able to see a legitimate therapist.

I passed this view every week or so on my walk to Reading Terminal Market while I was in grad school. Good times.

My wife and I are at the North Shore for our anniversary right now - we do it every year. Never been to the Isle, but the shore of Superior is definitely my favorite place.