soli

There is an often reposted study that shows people who are worse at video games are more likely to harass women. Though these are some issues with the study and it’s scope, this more or less matches my experience. However, this is usually transformed via a game of telephone into suggesting higher skilled players are less misogynistic.

I have played at the top level of multiple games over different genres and it is incredibly misogynistic up there. The key difference is most of the nerds up there are less likely express it so obviously and publicly. In a lot of cases this is purely about self-preservation, teams in competitive games will be collectively penalized so there is a degree of self-policing (nobody wants to have their team disqualified with all that money on the line) and in PvE games there is usually a great deal of time (and lets be real, often money) invested in an account people don’t want to lose.

It’s gotten a lot better since the “tits or gtfo” and “there are no women on the internet” days, but the last time I was in these circles was only during COVID and it was still wildly misogynistic behind closed doors.

deleted by creator

Never did it on a walkman, but when I was a kid I was taken on a few multi-day road trips where they’d throw an audiobook on.

Reddit feels like a weirdly dead place. Depending on the sub, there can be a lot of posts and comments but it’s very hard to engage with. You need to comment early and what conversation there is decays very early. A lot of it is fake too, with bots stealing comments to repost.

It’s a little bit better on smaller subs, but Reddit has a way of funneling everything into a larger subs if there is one for a topic, so outside of niche topics they tend to be ghost towns.

Lemmy is more like a small, weird forum. It’s hardly perfect but at least it doesn’t feel like a bunch of chat bots talking to each other.

he literally me fr

Farscape! I haven’t seen it since I was barely even a teenager. I loved the show and it meant a lot to me, but there are a lot of years between then and now so I’ve forgotten a lot. I’ve been shocked by how outrageously, flamingly queer it has been. Not like the unacknowledged, and often unintentional, homoeroticism of most genre shows of this era but gay sex only half way into the first season.

The show is just pretty great in general too, I love the Henson puppets and aliens so much. Ben Browder is a great lead with a ton of charisma. Just be warned if there are any topics you’d want to avoid, the show would have a fairly long list of content warnings. It can be very dark and not everything has aged perfectly.

I used to play a game with a guy who became a mod of it’s subreddit. Absolute sweetheart and always the guy putting is hand up to help out or contribute to the group. Guy hated being a mod but something needed to be done to stop it falling apart, so up his hand went as usual.

What are you doing with your life at the moment? Job, study, whatever.

Eh, yes and no. It might help illustrate the limitations of testing for some people, but it’s not really telling us anything new about them. It is meant to cheaply provide an indication of how a student is fairing and has never been considered by anyone serious as some kind of comprehensive measure of intelligence. Their flaws have been known for a long time.

Probably a few times a day, depending on what I’m doing.

I work in a small office, and answer the phones. Most of the time the call needs to be transferred on. Standard operating procedure if someone can’t take the call is to say they’re “unavailable, can I get them to call you back?” and, if pressed, “on another call at the moment”. This is usually untrue - we don’t get many calls, so 99% of the time it’ll either mean they’re in the bathroom, having lunch or just don’t want to talk to an overly needy client who keeps calling at the moment.

I’ll often also lie about my position if a client questions why I can’t handle their call. It’s easier to say I’m just the receptionist or something isn’t my department, than explain why this either needs to be handled by someone else or would be far cleaner that way.

Oh, and I lie about why I’m putting people on hold all the time. I’m often not bringing up your file or whatever - I did that while we were talking.

I’d love to get out of this city. It’s a car addicted hellscape with a lot of personal baggage in it. A fresh start would do me so much good. I dream of living somewhere not so fucking car brained.

But if it’s just enough money to move, then no. I moved states when I was younger and I can’t live again knowing if anything goes wrong I might be homeless with no local support network. At least here I have some family. If I was rich, sure, but not if I have to work to keep a roof over my head.

Not bad at the moment.

Public transport is a bit awkwardly scheduled relative to my start times. A train only takes about 30 minutes, including walking to and from the station but it either gets me in super early or just a hair too late. I tend to take a bus instead because it’s a better fit, I get to leave a little latter than the early train while still being on time. But it takes about 40 minutes in total, which includes a bunch of extra walking because the route starts another suburb over.

I often get a ride in, depending on whether my schedule lines up, which only takes about 15-20 minutes depending on traffic. I feel a little guilty because this is the shortest commute I’ve ever had by far yet the first time I’ve not primarily used public transport, but I do really appreciate the convenience. I unfortunately sweat a ton (I really should talk to my doctor about hyperhidrosis, it’s extremely bad) so even the short walk from the bus/train station will leave my hair gross and matted, which then turns in a terrible case of triangle head.

I’ve thought about getting an ebike. There is a separated bike path that is a little bit indirect but covers like 90% of the route. I think I could get there at least as fast as the bus. Could be quicker, but I’m not taking a direct route as it’s just bicycle gutters in an area that sees a ton of industrial traffic. Fuck riding by trucks.

Wish I could say the same about our public transport improving, it’s only gotten worse. It all got privatized awhile back.

I was a big ‘offend everyone’ dweeb, with a side serving of “free speech”.

I grew up in structure where etiquette and taboo were abused and hated them. Like the chilidish little maximalist I was, I applied that hatred to everything. Slurs were particularly hilarious, I thought people were ridiculous with how they tip toe around them and delighted in their discomfort when I’d just come out and say it. They were just words, why be scared of them?

In my mind, I clearly didn’t hold any bigoted views. Particularly with homophobic ones - I’m queer, I’ve been beaten for it, I’ve been beaten counter protesting “actual” bigots. I’d ask critics “what have you done?”, before calling them a fa-

Well, you get the idea.

At the end, I was also a sort of community figure. An extremely minor one in the grand scheme of things, but I still had attracted a small audience. This included a large number of younger men who were impressionable. The thing is, they attract their own audience too.

I noticed an increasingly amount of what I considered, back then, to be “actual” bigoted stuff being said. Usually from older men trying to sway those younger men. I saw them buzzing around my peers too, encouraging them to say things for them, dropping bait in chats and pulling aside the younger male audience members to try to recruit them, more or less.

I tried a couple of times to call it out, but they’d fall back on “it’s just a joke”. They’d point to all the bullshit I’d said over the years and the obvious hypocrisy. I’d given up any credibility I had and bred an environment where these people could thrive. It also became clear that plenty of my audience had taken me seriously, and were imitating what they thought I was doing.

It made me reevaluate things. I’d alienated people, good people, by acting in this way. I’d hurt people I never had any intention of hurting with my callous disregard for their feelings. I’d convinced people to be worse in ways I’d fought against, destroying far more progress than I’d ever made.

So I stepped away from the spotlight and stopped. As a side note, working it out of your vocabulary is a truly frustrating progress. I’d trained myself to use slurs to mean the most basic things. Getting sober was more difficult but at least it was quicker. It took literal years of diligence to kill the impulse to call someone who is being annoying a fa-

Anyway.

Afterwards, a surprising number of the people who distanced themselves from me reached out. More than I deserved. I hadn’t told anyone I’d had a revelation, or made some grand apology to try and absolve myself of the sin or whatever. It is telling about how bad it was that people took notice just from it’s absence. Many of those shared stories of how it’d hurt them.

The one that broke my heart the most was a transwoman who I had stood up for when others tried to push her out. She had been lonely, and I’d given her just enough acceptance for her to get trapped in a toxic community. My bigotry she rationalized away, and it desensitized her just enough to try to fit in with the broader community around me. She internalized the horrific transphobia that was being said. I think it goes without saying what that did to her mental health and the places it lead. I had caused deep harm to not only someone I liked, who had looked up to me, but someone I had tried to help.

It’s not just jokes, the intention doesn’t change that.

My mother was mostly a stranger growing up. I don’t know exactly how the arrangement came about, but I was my father’s child. She kept her distance and took to my sibling instead. She worked weekends when I was younger so I saw her comparatively little, and by the time I was a teenager my father’s abuse had long since driven her into drink and depression. I had little idea what she liked, what her hobbies were or what her life was like before me.

I left in my late teens but moved back in with her in my early 20’s. They had divorced just before I left, and she hadn’t been coping with it very well. I hadn’t coped well with life either. Those were some hard years at first. Both traumatized and stranded. I’ve gotten to know her very well since then. Frankly, too much. She’s no saint, but she’s well intentioned and I’ve come to love her even if I didn’t as a child.

My father I always knew. He’s not exactly hard to understand, just another emotionally stunted and cowardly little man. We were only ever a tool for him - to win approval from his parents, and to provide one small space where he could inflict his control. I know every little thing he likes because those were the only things that were allowed to matter. He tried desperately to make me become like him. I am very glad I am not.

I’ve been very candid about most aspect of my life at different times on the internet. Health, sex, poverty, abuse, you name it. Some of it while extremely mentally unwell.

But would would actually be the worst is if anyone found the fan fiction I wrote when I was like 13.

It might be worth looking for a family practitioner (that’s the American term for a general doctor right?) that advertises experience with mental health. Queer friendly and poor (and the many euphemisms they use) assistance is also a good sign. Talk about how your disability is effecting your mental health, ask if they have recommendations for both.

The reason I recommend this is you’re looking for people with empathy. Bureaucracies are made of people first and foremost, checking the right boxes is second to having someone who will make sure the right box gets checked. People who deal with mental health, queerness and poverty are also far more likely to have the experience to point you in the right direction with government services. They probably wont be the end of your journey but they’ll be a good guide.

I lived this for years.

First, you’ll want to look into government disability support. The specifics will vary wildly depending where you are, but it’s probably your most useful resource. For me, along with the money, they had tailored support for finding work I could do.

They ended up finding me a part time, WFH call center job. There were incentives for the employer to take me because of my disability and assistance (including financial) for setting me up for it. It was still extremely hard but the disability support checked in on me regularly to help me through it.

Before that, there are plenty of ways to make money online. Too many to list. If you’ve got the basic skills, the equipment and you’re still able to function enough it’s worth trying.

There is also going to be a variety of various charity and government support programs for people with disabilities, low income earners, etc. with the specifics depending on where you are. The harsh reality is surviving will mean learning to swallow your pride and enduring shame. Don’t just look for “disability” support, take anything you might be applicable for. Make sure to look through every level of government you might come under as they aren’t unified and can be difficult to find.

Community groups can be an invaluable resource. If there are ones that might apply to you - whether it be around ethnicity, sexuality, religion, whatever - you can find a wealth of assistance. At the very least they’re going to have some free food.

Yeah, /tg/ has a share thread. It’s kind of ephemeral and it’s not straight forward to navigate but if something cant be found elsewhere it’s your best bet.

Only ever used it for piracy, it’s been the most reliable source for finding niche TTRPG books. From the first time I used it to now it probably averages out to once or twice a year, though in practice it comes in bursts.