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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 24th, 2023

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  • I think the point is that to you, it’s just semantics. But, to use your example, given that some people have started intentionally using “female” in place of “woman” as an (arguably) subtle way to exclude trans women, it suddenly becomes more than semantics to both trans and anti-trans populations. That’s what Smotherlove is saying about “dog whistle” language only being transparent to the perpetrator and the victim.

    So from your/my perspective (admittedly assuming you’re neither trans nor anti-trans), it’s largely a case of “a few rotten apples ruining it for the rest of the bunch.” What should just be a semantic difference has been coopted and intentionally weaponized by some, so all of us have to be conscious of whether or not we’re making that worse.

    It’s also not a new phenomenon. Many epithets start as PC terms and then become offensive based on how a specific group starts to use them, notably, almost every one-time PC terms for Black Americans and people of color. Unfortunately, it’s basically the reason that, for at least 100 years, (responsible) individuals/media have had to change terms for many marginalized peoples every 10-20 years, with many other examples, like “Oriental” and the terms that predate it, and plenty of others.



  • Ask what the most important skills or experiences to develop are for the transition to level 2, if there are any new or unexpected needs emerging in the department, if there are any specific departmental or company-wife priorities or goals for the coming year, and if there’s any way your specific role can more actively support those goals.

    Depending on the type of place, you can ask if you’re perceived as taking feedback well and/or being up for a challenge, saying that you want that to be clear and would like to work on it if it isn’t. The fine line is asking a question that seems like it’s just meant to make you look good vs. a legitimate request for somewhere you can grow or do more good for the team/company, which is why keeping things focused on questions that will have actionable responses is a great move. Hope this helps and good luck! Sounds like you don’t have much to be worried about if they’re already prepping you for a promotion!



  • I’m a married guy in a very sexually fulfilling relationship, so coming at this from the opposite side, but I sorta assume the reasons are similar.

    Sometimes you just want to cum, but sex can feel like more to think about or even more work than doing it yourself. When I have sex, it’s 50% about it feeling great to me, but 50% of me is also thinking about my wife, what to do next so she cums too, etc., and all that brings a type of self awareness that can enhance the experience, but that also makes it very different than sitting down and cranking one out alone lol. So sex is definitely better, but sometimes it’s not the experience I’m looking for. Sometimes one of us will also wanna watch porn of stuff that we may not actually do ourselves, which can also be more comfortable or fun alone.

    So basically, lots of reasons. I think it’s essentially a different activity and it just makes sense to sometimes be into one and other times into the other.







  • I’ve found a job I’m happy with, a house that I feel good in, and a wife that is my most important source of joy. We have a few hobbies that keep us occupied, but I think we’d almost have too much time to kill if we weren’t working at least a little bit and feeling productive in fields we value. I am incredibly lucky to be able to say all of that, and it leaves my health issues as my biggest obstacle to greater contentment. I have epilepsy which has led to a pretty restrictive lifestyle. No drinking, early bedtime every single night, HEAVY (and expensive) medications with terrible side effects, and just a bit of constant stress around the possibility of a bad seizure. Plus the increased risks of early onset dementia that I just have to wait for and know is likely coming. There’s nothing we can do about any of it except try to stay distracted, but that’s hard with so many medication alarms going off every day.



  • Exactly, it’s definitely a shortcoming of a lot of recipes and cooking shows. Like just in case I do have agar agar, I’d love to hear how to use it in the given recipe, but many more people probably want to hear that ~and then~ their other more common options, as well as how those compare to the more professional technique/ingredients. They do the same thing with materials, too. Like “traditionally this is made in a round bottom wok, but we get great results with this type of pan that you’re more likely to have/know how to use.” Sending huge luck for ya, and looking forward to checking out your videos when you start!


  • America’s Test Kitchen does some really great stuff for both beginner and experienced cooks, namely presenting one method/recipe after testing a number of alternatives, and including the reasons why they prefer the method/recipe they settled on. “Many people also do it this way, and here’s how that turns out and why I prefer the method shown.” Or “Here’s what happens if you add more butter, and this is what it looks like if you add more eggs/use an egg substitute etc.” They get into the chemistry/science of why the chosen method is best or why an easier method can work as well as a more traditional one, and you feel like you learn both the how of cooking something and the why behind a specific recipe, which makes it a lot easier to understand and follow. A final benefit is that it can make a lot of recipes more approachable for a home cool with things like “in professional kitchens, they will use XYZ in order to ZYX. If you don’t have access to XYZ, YYY ingredient has a similar effect and is more common in home kitchens…”