I’m not sure how to even ask this. What I mean is that if you’re a guy who’s only attracted to other guys, then it’s obvious those are the people you’re going to be dating as well. But how could I, as a bisexual man who’s only dated women in the past, know whether my interest in men is only sexual or if it could be romantic too?
The reason I’m asking is that since I’m now single again, I’m wondering if I should try dating men just to see what that’s like and maybe learn something about myself. I feel like the two most plausible outcomes are either that I discover my romantic attraction is limited to women, or it opens my eyes to why some things have been such a struggle in my past relationships - and maybe I should’ve been dating men all along.
The thing is, I’ve never had a crush on a guy before or noticed any other signs that a relationship with one could actually work. I’ve had occasional dreams of that sort, but usually there’s been something sexual about them. I can only think of one time I felt mild butterflies around a guy I found really attractive.
I don’t know. I guess I’m just worried that if I give it a shot, I might not feel anything more than what I feel toward my male friends. In the worst case, they might develop feelings for me, and then I’d have to break their heart - and I hate the thought of that.
Romantic feelings can develop without knowing a person. They can develop without the target even being real. People often have experience with romantic feelings toward a fantasy or fictional character long before they are old enough for a relationship.
Have you never identified with the romantic feelings toward a character in fiction (novel, movie, etc)? Have those experiences not been particular toward a gender?
I think people imagine this stuff is more conscious and rational than it is. It just happens and it doesn’t necessarily make sense.